Joy and silliness :-)

Sometimes in life, I can be really really silly and foolish in my approach things. Glory to God for His mercy and patience in teaching! Recently, since I got back from the Ukraine, I think it's been one of those times.

In Ukraine, I was happy and glad, doing the work that was in front of me. I was aware of the magnitude of the problem, but not consumed by it, but by God's grace, was able to do what was before me and rejoice in the work. Being there with the kids was joyful, in spite of the sufferings, and there was an ever abiding sense of the grace and love of God, towards me and towards the kids.

Granted, there was a lot of suffering there. A lot more than we're used to seeing here. But there was also joy, and infinite tiny moments of grace, such that in the midst of the sufferings, God was present, and we were aware of His presence, even if not in some earth shaking sort of way. There was tears and loneliness, but there was joy and peace, that were greater.

When I came home, I think there was a bit of a hard transition and a culture shock, being here, and not there with the kids. Without something daily and practical to do, I sort of got overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem, and coped in really bad ways. Instead of holding on to the joy and grace that got me through the time at the orphanage, I allowed myself to get overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem, and wallow in it. I ignored God and His joy that was constantly knocking at my heart. Instead, I focused on my own helplessness.

As a result, my prayer life has suffered and I became a little more cynical. I also haven't been doing as much as I could to continue to help the kids. The more I wallowed in feeling bad and sad, the less I actually did to help. I talked a lot, but have done very little.

Glory to God, though, for His infinite patience. Tonight, I read about the death of a little three year old girl in one of the cancer wards in Ukraine, and once again started to feel bad and dwell on it. In the midst of it, though, God unexpected used some circumstances to correct me.

The Christian life is certainly one of constant struggle. But it's also one of deep and abiding joy. The martyrs laughed. They joyfully went to their deaths, knowing and trusting in their Risen Lord, Christ. Those who despair, no matter what their reasons were, have always, ultimately, been the ones that bore no fruit and/or denied Christ.

So yes, the problems are real and require a lot of concentrated effort from all of us, probably for the rest of our lives. There are a lot of very real children that need love and families, and need to be rescued from lives of sadness and exploitation that are waiting for them. But unless we trust in the mercy of God and immerse ourselves in a living Joy, we have no way of helping them, and will only remain in our own helplessness and inaction.

So forgive me for being silly. Forgive me for my mistaken way of approaching things, and thank you for being there to talk, all of you. Thank you for helping to show me in your own lives the joy that I knew in Ukraine, and forgot when I came back. Thank you for everything, my dear and beloved friends in Christ.

Let us, then, begin the work that God has put before us, whether in our own homes, or helping all the many children who need our help. Let us take up our crosses daily, as Christ commands us. But let us do it joyfully!

Rejoice, my joy! Christ is risen!

The unworthy and really silly servant of God,
John :-D

P.S. Please do remember the newly-departed child of God Katherine in your prayers, as well as her family. They need prayers now. But pray for them in the knowledge and hope of the resurrection, and of Christ, who is our resurrection.